Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE), 2025—2025.
Born and died in a rat-infested Washington, D.C., trash can, beneath the gaze of idled National Guardsmen. Cause of death: rodent-borne leptospirosis, complicated by bureaucratic overreach and a bestie-breakup between POTUS and Muskrat. Purportedly created to stamp out fraud, waste, and abuse, DOGE will be eulogized instead for gutting critical programs, dismantling agencies, and dismembering the federal workforce. Predeceased by program integrity and worker dignity, it leaves behind unmet public needs and collapsing employment numbers. A private interment will be held in the sterile basement of an unoccupied federal building, again patrolled by Guardsmen missing their families and jobs back home. In lieu of flowers, citizens are asked to flood the agency’s skeletal website with FOIA requests.
Eulogy
This piece is an obituary for DOGE.
